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...If Used Too Early

Cute text message ending with <3 or :). Romantic poems recited from the heart. Unexpected cards of appreciation. A (not so) simple "I love you". Every day people use words to communicate how they feel about each other. There is power in words. They give life to inanimate things. However, being a man or woman of your word means taking responsibility for everything you say.

On numerous occasions, I've made the mistake of using "romantic" words too loosely, too freely, and too early in relationships. These "cute" words tend to fast forward the relationship ahead of where it truly is and when the love's maturity doesn't match the language's maturity, expectations can get messed up. Here are some words I would avoid using too early or too freely the next time you get into a relationship.

1. Love
"I love you."

Once "I love you" slips the first time, you're expected to say it just about every time thereafter. Hold onto it until you really need it...oops...I meant...until you really mean it.

2. Marriage/Wedding
"I want an outdoor wedding."

For real! It's only been a few months. What's the rush? Lifelong decisions are worth waiting to make.

3. We/Ours
"We can't make it tonight."

'We' comes after marriage when you are joined spiritually and legally. Until then, use [partner's name] and I.

4. Home
"Lets go home."

Instead use "Lets go back to your apartment." Make yourself feel at home, but we aren't sharing rent yet.

5. Forever/Always
"I will always love you."

Nobody knows if its going to be always and forever, but Luther Vandross sure did make a good song though. Whitney Houston held on for a long time, but I Will Always Love You couldn't keep Bobby Brown forever.

6. Never
"I'll never hurt you."

It's the situations that we can't predict where we act out of character, so never say never.

7. Babies (names)
"I'm going to name my daughter Gaia."

It's a cute conversation, but
listen to John Legend and take it slow-oh-oh-ooooh-ooooh...this time we'll take it slow.

8. The One
"I think she's the one."

We have many potential soul mates. I'm not sure if we'll know who's the one until the end of life.


  1. Your comments are apropos when dealing with the "thinking" portion of love. What I've recently experienced, and I can only wish this upon everyone who reads this, are the conversations about love that arise not from the mind but from God. The mind leaves room for all the doubt and fears that we have all come to know. However,the God-realm speaks from a different place; there is no thought involved, there is just love. And in that moment, all of the elements you listed (1-8) cease to have importance. One is simply guided by atoms, cells and sinews. Auto pilot at its best

  2. A reader sent me an insightful comment via email (see below). Based on her wisdom, I changed the title to "might" instead of "will" because like she said, there is no guarantee that the relationship will "automatically" be screwed up. The overarching message I was trying to convey was that words have power and we should only say them if and when we mean them. That's what I meant by "too early" and "too loosely". "Early" is less of a function of time and more of a function of maturity. Some relationships definitely mature faster than others. In sum, "words have power" so forgive me for any misuse in this post itself.

    Keep in mind that I don't write to be right; I write to express myself and what's true for me. I don't expect everyone to agree. Regarding this post in particular, some agreed and some didn't. The blog is appropriately titled "Reminders To Myself" because it is primarily here to remind me of my life lessons. If by sharing my journey I can help others as a secondary purpose, then great.

    Apologies to the 2 people who unsubscribed. You may get future emails from me. Something went wrong with the email service and I wasn't able to delete you permanently.

    Thanks to all those who have commented on my post before and in the future. I would love for this to become a space to discuss life and learn from each other as we embark on this journey together.

    Don't be shy about commenting :)

    Much love,

    I'm a little concerned at your blog about words that will "screw up" a relationship. I sincerely think you are sending a negative message that does not ring true across the board. People use phrases and gestures because it is what they are moved to do. Saying those things does not automatically screw up a situation. Saying them and not fully feeling or meaning them does, but there are people who truly believe that a person is "the one" after knowing them for a very short time-and those people have gone on to spend their lives together. It seems like you're advising folks to not express themselves "too early" in case things don't work out. But I believe that is operating out of a space of fear; that is not living "on purpose". If you personally have made the mistake of using words and not fully embodying their true meaning, then that is one thing. But trust me, many people use words and truly mean them, so it's not an absolute that those gestures and words will "screw up" a relationship. It honestly sounds like you are speaking from a jaded, disappointed position. Like, you've been let down and now you are telling everyone that the things that you have tried/done don't "work". But it's important to remember that each situation is different and i think one should always express themselves in the way their heart sees fit. I think if people have the best intentions and it's what they are truly believing in that moment, that is what they have to follow. If people are talking about marriage and have NO intention of ever doing that, that is where the danger lies, and that will surely cause trouble. So, i'd say, don't say these things if you don't mean them or truly understand their power. But indeed say them if you feel them, even if it's only been one day. It's not about the speed of the relationship, it's about those two people involved. The more time that passes, i'm sure you will encounter two spirits that connected instantly and lasted a lifetime. it happens....and those are the people that use (and mean) those words very very early...

    just wanted to give my response to your blog but i did not want to post it on your site



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Jullien's Purpose Statement

My purpose is to help as many people as possible reach their full potential by helping them making a living doing what they love and in the process of doing so achieve my own. I want to do this through writing, speaking, and creating offline and online spaces that facilitate conversations around purpose.

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