A few nights ago around 3am, I heard commotion in an apartment building next door to me. The brownstone walls muffled the heated dialogue, but this is what I heard. "All I want to do is live my life the way I want to live it and kill myself. I have no one to talk to and no where to run." A young man was contemplating suicide. When I looked out the window and there were 4 police cars and an ambulance. I never saw the young man, but I did recognize that suicide was the highest for of self-hate. The only way to combat self-hate is with self-love.

Over the course of our lives, we probably say "I love you" more times to other people than we do ourselves. I think it's more important to remind someone to love themselves than to tell them you love them. For many people, the last time they said "I love you" was to someone else.

Do we have the capacity to truly love others without first declaring our unconditional love for ourselves? Do we need love from others or can it be self-supplied from within like inspiration, creativity, authenticity, hope, or will? I agree that it is important to love others, but in order to love our neighbor like ourselves, we need to love ourselves first.

When was the last time you looked in the mirror and told yourself "I love you." Whether you've looked in the mirror or not, sometimes actions speak louder than words...actually all of the time. Every decision we make is a choice to love or not love ourselves. When choosing how to spend each second of our day, how we choose to treat other people, and when choosing whta we are going eat all are opportunities to say "I love you" to self.

I don't know about you, but I have some work to do. I'll start us all off by reminding you to "Love you".

Inspired by the boy next door & PJ

My track record in the dating game reflected the running style of 100-meter and 200-meter world record holder, Usain Bolt - fast start and fast finish. Though I enjoyed every minute of my last few relationships, with the exception of the last one, it's a pattern I want to change.

When it comes to dating, I don't know why I think sprint instead of marathon. Where am I rushing to? My past relationships started off with an intense first few weeks, gained momentum, and then crashed pretty hard. Am I trying to break the world record for the fastest man to fall in love? If so, the only thing I'm breaking is hearts.

Just this week, a good friend of mine challenged me to think of the difference in behavior if I looked at dating on a 2 year time line instead of a 2 week or 2 month time line. That kind of relationship would look more like a friendship that I would have with one of my homeboys. Here are the patterns I would have to change to slow my roll:

• Allow life to naturally take its course instead of trying to direct it. (It's rare that people hand-picked their best friend.)
• Just kick IT instead of kicking GAME
  
• Operate independently (ie split bills down the middle, don't think you have to call daily)
  
• Spend time together during the day instead of the night
  
• Spend time in groups instead of just one-on-one
• Hold back on meeting the parents
• + Add your ideas for me here...
  

I like the way you speak
When you’re giving a speech
A million people watching
You talk directly to me
Sweet words to my pallet
Can’t wait to cast my ballot
Agreeing with every sound bit
I’m finally feeling valid

I hope we’re in the same party
Check your ticket
On the morning of the 5th
Maybe we can kick it
And pop some champagne
To a successful campaign
I don’t drink alcohol
But we can watch it cascade

Democracy or republic?
Platform or foundation?
The last 8 years of dating
Have been kinda crazy
Fighting for no reason
Mental taxation
When you give power to Bush
You’ll end up jaded

We don’t really argue
But we sure do debate
A lower tone of voice
More like we conversate
It’s not about who’s right
It’s what is right for U.S.?
The economy is getting tight
But it’s in God we trust

You can catch me in DC
The District of Compromise
We can Lincoln at the monuments
To watch the sun rise
We could walk through memorials
And celebrate life
And then bathe in reflection
While forgetting who spies

Your presidential suite
Could be my residential street
No air force one here
But there’re two on my feet
If that’s not fly enough
Lets make a sky with the sheets
The pillows can be the clouds
And our minds be the wings

I’m down to take the back seat
To commander and chief
I will be the first man
You be the first lady
When you’re deeply in love
A four year term isn’t enough
But remember our commitment
Is way bigger than U.S.

As you travel the world
Meeting global leaders
I’ll be here in the oval
Watching from the bleachers
I swear to stand by you
With one hand in the air
I don’t care, let it air
The whole country should hear

I’m planning and strategizing
To win your election
But for now I’ll lay low
In your cabinet prepping
For that inaugural moment
When I’ve silenced all opponents
When election day ends
And you close all the voting

I hope I get your vote
And not your veto
How you electrify crowds
I know it’s power to the people
You paint beautiful pictures
Without an easel
Perhaps that white house on the hill
Can be our steeple

Now with the nomination
We should build a nation
Universal health care
And education
Lets get our house in order
Before we mess with they shhhh
Most vote with their feet
You walk with leg-islation

I’m going to put my top pick
In the slit in the box
I promise this is the last time
I make you fit in a box
When we sit and talk
It’s like I’m sitting with God
A Spirit-led leader
Perfect fit for the job

My number one candidate
I wonder if I can date
I missed the primaries
But is it still too late?
My heart bleeds red for you
And my sky is so blue
I can’t wait to see you in white
On the day I say “I do”

How to differentiate between convenience, coincidence, & true commitment

Spirit is the unifying force of the world. It is the energy that unites hydrogen and oxygen to make water as well as the energy that brings two people together for a purpose. As Spirit brings people, especially potential spirtual partners, into our lives it is important to be conscious of the context in which they come because it lays the foundation for the entire relationship. We should first be thankful for the human gift Spirit has brought into our lives and secondly, we should lay the proper foundation for the edification of that relationship in the same way you would get a vase with water for a gifted rose. To be honest, if it weren't for Facebook, many of us wouldn't talk to half the people we called friends in college because most of those relationships were based on convenience and coincidence instead of commitment. These are the 3 context that I have observed in the beginning stages of relationships of all types: romantic, friendly, and filial.

1. Convenience
Convenience is neither bad nor good, however it is the weakest foundation to build a lasting relationship on among the three. I have had relationships based on convenience where the person lived close or we worked closely together. Even long distant relationships can be convenient. The question to ask is how committed to this relationship would I be if it were inconvenient?

2. Coincidence
Coincidence happens when two people have a lot in common or meet in an unexpected way (ie "We bumped into other 3 times in the last week." or "Our mother's were born on the same day". It is the same force that brings best friends together on non-romantic terms. It often means that the two people are on parallel paths which is great, however that is not enough. Coincidence oftentimes gets interpreted as compatibility, and has a tendency to lead to romance even though that may not be Spirit's intention for the relationship.

3. Commitment
Lastly is commitment. Even if the relationship begins because of convenience or coincidence, it is important to cement the foundation with commitment, for it is the strongest of them all. Commitment characterizes Spirit's unconditional loving relationship to us. Though convenience or coincidence may be the context which draw us to Spirit, at some point we each have to make a personal commitment to Spirit. The same is expected of us in our romantic relationships.

Commitment transcends convenience and coincidence. Whether love is inconvenient or coincidence is absent, commitment is everlasting. With the exception of our relationships with Spirit and perhaps our parents, commitment is rarely the starting point, therefore we should be aware of how our relationships begin, consider which ones we want to commit to, and then pour love into those relationships. Love is commitment in action.

If I tried to date every great woman I met, I would be dating non-stop (and that's exactly what I was doing for about 2 years). I had 3 great relationships with 3 great women. I meet great women all of the time. My circle of sisters includes the next generation of Maya Angelous (authors), Assata Shakurs (activists), Helen Kellers (renaissance woman), Oprah Winfreys (entrepreneurs), Hillary Clintons (politicians), Wangari Maathais (Nobel Peace Prize winners).

The Big Question
How does one choose who to pursue from a world full of great people?

Here are some realizations I had as I pondered this question with a sister friend.

1. Be Self-aware: Look within more. Look outside less.

So I've come to the realization that there has to more to the equation than just two great people coming together. I'm not sure what the other secret ingredient is. Perhaps it's timing, chemistry, prayer...I don't know. As a result, I think finding our lifelong partner may be like finding our best friend. We don't really choose our best friends (or do we?). I wasn't looking for my best friend, it just kind of happened. But when it comes to relationships, people talk about what they "looking for" in a partner rather just being themselves and letting life play out.

2. Be Patient: Age and stage are different

Though a man and woman may be the same age, they may be at different stages of their lives. From talking to my brothers, I get the sense that they want to establish roots regionally, professionally, and financially before moving into the marriage stage. Women value these things too, but I don't think that they're as important to them. As a result, I think we'll see less same-age marriages and more Jay-Z (age 38) & Beyonce (age 26) type relationships where older men marry younger women, not because that's their preference, but because men tend to be "ready" at a later stage of life. (On 2nd thought, 12 (=38-26) years is a a huge gap.)

3. Be Authentic: Your past, present, and future actions are attracting your partner

Chances are that you've already met your life partner if you're 25 or older. Based on your educational and professional affiliations, you probably know of each other. People grow and change. The person you never even considered in college may come back into your life as Mr. or Mrs. Right. Smile at the synchronicity of life but don't fall head over heels when encounters like this happen. They could be meaningful and they could be meaningless. The world is shrinking so we're bound to reconnect with old friends (especially at weddings). To attract who you want, be who you are.

What do you think?

...If Used Too Early

Cute text message ending with <3 or :). Romantic poems recited from the heart. Unexpected cards of appreciation. A (not so) simple "I love you". Every day people use words to communicate how they feel about each other. There is power in words. They give life to inanimate things. However, being a man or woman of your word means taking responsibility for everything you say.

On numerous occasions, I've made the mistake of using "romantic" words too loosely, too freely, and too early in relationships. These "cute" words tend to fast forward the relationship ahead of where it truly is and when the love's maturity doesn't match the language's maturity, expectations can get messed up. Here are some words I would avoid using too early or too freely the next time you get into a relationship.

1. Love
"I love you."

Once "I love you" slips the first time, you're expected to say it just about every time thereafter. Hold onto it until you really need it...oops...I meant...until you really mean it.

2. Marriage/Wedding
"I want an outdoor wedding."

For real! It's only been a few months. What's the rush? Lifelong decisions are worth waiting to make.

3. We/Ours
"We can't make it tonight."

'We' comes after marriage when you are joined spiritually and legally. Until then, use [partner's name] and I.

4. Home
"Lets go home."

Instead use "Lets go back to your apartment." Make yourself feel at home, but we aren't sharing rent yet.

5. Forever/Always
"I will always love you."

Nobody knows if its going to be always and forever, but Luther Vandross sure did make a good song though. Whitney Houston held on for a long time, but I Will Always Love You couldn't keep Bobby Brown forever.

6. Never
"I'll never hurt you."

It's the situations that we can't predict where we act out of character, so never say never.

7. Babies (names)
"I'm going to name my daughter Gaia."

It's a cute conversation, but listen to John Legend and take it slow-oh-oh-ooooh-ooooh...this time we'll take it slow.

8. The One
"I think she's the one."

We have many potential soul mates. I'm not sure if we'll know who's the one until the end of life.

Sometimes relationships enter a frustrating phase where both partners' needs aren't being met and they engage in a tug-of-war to try to pull the relationship in their favor. It's a lose-lose situation. If one partner gets their way, then the other is worse off and if they keep pulling equally, then the relationship goes nowhere though each partner is putting a lot of energy to try to make it move.

I've always wrestled with the notion "If you love something, let it go," but what I've found is that sometimes the easiest thing to do is for both partners or one partner to just let go of the rope that binds them. If both partners agree to let go and stop trying to control the relationship, the tugging ends. Hopefully this is a mutual agreement because if one partner is ready to let go while the other is still pulling, then the one still pulling falls on their butt pretty hard.

Now that the rope no longer becomes a tool of influence or persuasion, it can be transformed into a tool that binds and ties two people together as they meet half-way at the line of compromise where no one person has their way, but they both have each other. That's what I call tying the knot. And at the end of the day, that's all that matters.

In-Capable of Loving

It's cr-amazing when two spiritual beings recognize each other and vibrate at such a high level when they are together that they combust with love. I'm great + She's great = Lets get together. Then the honey-moon sets, the sun rises, enlightening the darkest corners, and the truth is revealed.

How could Erykah Badu and Common break up?
How could Erykah Badu and Andre 3000 break up?
How could Winnie and Nelson Mandela get divorced?
How could Whitney and Bobby last so long?

What the f%$k?
This doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense. If they can't do it, then who the hell can.

I feel like a celebrity. Or maybe celebrity relationships aren't that different...up and down...bouncing around. Sounds like me? Maybe Britney Spears isn't that crazy? Or maybe she is? I wonder if Gnarls Barkley would agree?

How can two whole yet incomplete beings form a symbiotic relationship without becoming parasitic - only seeking to fulfill their internal emptiness cloaked in romance?

This sucks!

Where are the healthy models of love?
Will the real Cosby family please stand up?
If boyfriends and girlfriends break up so easily, why is divorce such a surprise?

Commitment and compromise.
Commitment and compromise.

Why do we give up on each other so easily?
When we give up on each other, we give up on the world.
If we can't foster love among two, how can we cultivate it amongst many?
If we can't love self, how can we love another?

Maybe we weren't meant to love thyself alone. Maybe we can't.
Despite its negative connotations, perhaps we're all co-dependents...on each other.
Love thy neighbor as thyself.
If I love me and my neighbor loves me and vice versa...then there is balance.

Family is the solution.
Family is the soul-ution!
Family that transcends the biological and ideological.
Family that is spiritual.

The world is a reflection of me.
The world is a reflection of we.
If we can't love one another...
...then the world will ultimately cease.

Lets stop hiding behind groups, flags, and religions...no more Islam vs. Christianity or United States vs. Iran or White vs. Black.

Lets start thinking in terms of 1-on-1 relationships...father-and-mother, sister-and-brother, husband-and-wife, stranger1-and-stranger2.

Some can't be still in chaos...so they leave.
To the left, to the left. Everything you own's in the box to the left.

But I'm still and here. I still be-lieve...in us...in U.S...in all of us - the single Universal Spirit.

I'm not giving up on me, you, or us.

I can't.

I declare LOVE.

Making (a) Room for Error

Our Commitment
co-created on January 2008

With Spirit present, we commit to building a strong healthy relationship that is aligned with the will of Spirit.

We are building a relationship that is founded in Spirit which is full of love for nature and the whole world.

We are open and honest with ourselves, one another, and others.

We express our feelings, emotions, thoughts, understandings, misunderstandings, insights, and revelations in the best possible form with one another and others we feel personally connected to and those we feel may benefit.

We are practicing patience knowing that not everything will run as smoothly as we would like or plan. Every thing will fall into place according to the will of Spirit.

We are aware of how our thoughts, which become actions, affect each other, self, and others around us. Therefore, we are conscious of our thoughts and actions while staying true to who we are.

We are working towards building a community of supporters with who we feel safe.

We are learning from one another. Our goal is to build up where there is weakness, continue to lift and support to avoid unnecessary dips (downfalls). Through our relationship, we are more understanding about who we are. We become better aware of our strengths and weaknesses.

We choose to concentrate on and develop our strengths and find ways to turn weakness into strengths or at least be aware of them. We affirm the good in each other and discuss solutions for improving our weaknesses.

We know that Spirit created us, gave us purpose, and in the love of Spirit brought us together to use our purpose. We know that consistent and effective communication with Spirit, each other, and loved ones is the only way. Through Spirit we are delivered from pain and obstacles into great harmony with all of life. We remember to give thanks to Spirit.

We are always in a state of gratitude. There’s no limit to our love, we don’t divide love, we give it abundantly to everyone.

We are happy beings in Spirit put together by Spirit to do the will of Spirit.

We acknowledge problems, but focus more on solutions.

We recognize that healthy relationships live in the present. Therefore, we approach each day as a new day leaving old beliefs about love in the past and focus on creating rather than pondering the future.

We believe that the goal of our relationship is to practice and learn unconditional love with one another so that we can practice it with all Life.

Dear Ladies, This Is Why I'm Hot

Dear Ladies,

On behalf of my brothers and myself, I want to apologize if we've ever burned you. See...our Father is the Sun, so we're the sons of the Sun, but many of us are just starting to see the light now. When our soul-ar energy kisses your ear-th, the creation process ignites. One little candle has the potential to blaze an entire forest. When I first discovered this power within the palms of my hands, I was so excited that I ran around lighting everything on fire. Because of my immaturity, things got out of control. Little flames grew into massive wild fires. Fortunately, the all-knowing Creator blessed you with two elements of nature, earth and water, the substance needed to extinguish my mistakes and heal yourself when necessary. The way we burned women, you would think we were arsonists.

Finally, a few of us decided to go to our Father to find out how to use our power correctly. Our Father had some Good News. Of the 5 elements of nature (earth, air, fire, water, space), fire is the only one that man has the power to create and with that comes great responsibility. There are two types of fires, uncontrolled (characterized by our youthfulness) and controlled (characterized by maturity and self-discipline). We discovered that controlled burning stimulates the germination of some desirable forest trees and ultimately renew forests. Thus, our fire has the power to spark growth in you in areas you didn't believe you could grow. And as both earth and water, you have the power to fuel our fire and stop it. What balance!

We were told that fire has 3 primary purposes in relationships:

1. To light the relationship: Our Father, the Sun, is responsible for lighting the relationship in its brightest hours and its darkest hours. His light is always shining, making sure to focus on one part of the relationship at time, but also remembering to light all of Mother Earth. When the relationship isn't looking bright, we were told to rely the other stars in our Universe and reflect our light indirectly if you aren't open to receiving it directly at the time.

2. To weld/shape the relationship: The direction of the Sun determines the length of the day. The length of the day in turn affects how people in certain regions interact with one another on a daily basis. In the same way, the amount of energy we put into the relationship will shape the direction it goes and how long it last.

3. To warm the relationship: At every moment, He gives 174 petawatts of solar radiation to Mother Earth, regardless if She is reflecting it back or absorbing it. We were told, to do our best to provide consistent unconditional love and energy, even during the coldest times of the relationship. Our Father, the Sun, never stops loving our Mother Earth no matter how cold it is. Even when He needs to get away for the Winter, He puts energy into the relationship to ensure that it endures trying seasons.

Again, sorry for any 3rd degree burns we may have causes. In the future, if we ever get heated, please remind us of the 3 purposes of fire.

Sincerely,

Your "Blazing" Brothers

Two 1/2s Don't Make 1 Whole

...Two halves make a "hole". Mathematically it's true. 1/2 + 1/2 = 1. But spiritually, the equation doesn't stand.

Sometimes when we fall in love, we start to say things that sound sweet like "You're my other half" or "You complete me". Well, if someone completes us, then what happens when they leave. Are we incomplete?

Complement and complete are two separate things. Two things that are complete are complementary, but two things that are complementary aren't necessarily complete. There is a difference between having a matching socks that complete a pair and having two matching socks with holes that complement each other. The complete and complementary pair are useful; The complementary only socks should be throw away.

When we enter relationships with the half-and-half mindset that someone will complete us and make us whole, oftentimes we breed co-dependency instead of partnership. In co-dependent relationships, it isn't about our growth, our partners growth, or the growth of the relationship. It's simply about sustaining where we are instead of sustaining growth. The pattern is falling in love, not getting what we need, and then resenting that person when we knew from the beginning that the relationship was founded on our desires instead of the divine. A divine foundation is the only place from which Good creation can grow.

When 2 whole people coming together, a third being is formed. In this case, 1 + 1 = 3. Biologically, we see this manifest when a man and woman come together to create a child. In the business world we see this manifest when two business partners come together to form a corporation. The third being creates space for true partnership, where the 2 people (complete in and of themselves) can grow together through the third entity.

Whole doesn't = perfect; We all have room for growth. Whole = not wanting. When people are actively seeking a relationship, it's usually because they are wanting. We don't necessarily want "someone", we want "something" that we thing someone can give us, and anyone who can give me that something is on the ballot. The way the Universe works, whole-people tend to attract whole-people and half-people tend to attract half-people. Therefore, if we want a whole-istic and healthy partnership, we must seek to be whole first, healing from the past and opening ourselves to new possibilities.

Thinking back through my spiritual, emotional, and physical relationships with women, I realized that of my 6 girlfriends since high school and all of my other relationships with women (mother and friends), very few of their biological fathers were present in their lives. That led me to ask myself two questions:

1. What does that say about me?
2. How can I change it?

So here’s my best shot!

1. What does that say about me?

My original question was ‘What does that say about society’? But, I am a direct reflection of society, therefore, the true question is ‘What does that say about me?’ and rather than falsely accuse society, the daughterless fathers, or the fatherless daughters, I must evaluate myself.

Looking for a mom: Looking myself in the mirror, I realized that I was scarred from a turbulent 10 years with my mother. I bought into the mindset that I was looking for a mother as opposed to a spiritual partner, which was unfair to any woman I engaged with. Many of my partners resembled my mother in many ways…both good and bad. I viewed my relationships as mechanisms to fill a familiar void rather than as a mechanism to build something brand new from where I was.

Failing at father: I also realized that in SOME unhealthy cases, I arrogantly thought I was man enough to serve as my partners’ partner and father when I was mentally, emotionally, and spiritually still a boy. Though none of my partners ever called me ‘daddy’, I believed that I could fulfill any fatherly expectations they had financially, physically, and emotionally. That was false.

2. How can I change it?

Balance my friendships: Oftentimes friendships are gender heavy. Men have a crew of men and women have a crew of women. Though brother and sister circles are important, the union of those circles is even more important and I should seek to have a healthy balance of male and female energy in my life.

Mentor younger women: As a mentor, my tendency has been to mentor younger males considering that they have typically been fatherless too, but instead of gravitating toward males, I should seek opportunities to mentor younger women because they need a healthy balance of males energy as well. Positive father figures are good (but not perfect) substitutes for fatherlessness.

Commit to and prepare for fatherhood now: Not too long ago I almost became a father, but since then, I have realized that the commitment and preparation for fatherhood begin now with my own personal growth and preparation for the future. Fatherhood begins with the collective upbringing of the youth (biological and non) in our community, not when our partner gets pregnant.

Who the Hell is in my Bed?

Do you really know your partner? The last thing we want to do is wake up after 25 years of marriage and realize that we don't know the person sleeping next to us. However, we assume that our countless conversations and time together have helped us paint accurate pictures of one another's lives. That's not always true because we spend so much of the early stages of our relationships trying to sell ourselves that our authentic selves don't surface until it's too late!

Below is a fun weekend activity to do with your partner to fill in the gaps. At the end of the exercise, you will feel more connected then ever before.

Filling the Gaps Storytelling Ritual

Purpose:
To connect two souls on a deeper level by facilitating an authentic conversation about their lives

Requirements:
Honesty, 1-2 hours, and a quiet comfortable space (preferably in nature)

Order:
Imagine that the two partners are Eve and Adam.

1. Eve speaks as if she is Adam. Eve will share the life of Adam as she knows and understands it with as much detail as possible starting from Adam's birth through today all the way to the through to Adam's life vision and goals. Eve will include all of the important people, places, and events in Adam's life that make Adam who he is.

2. Afterwards, Adam will be able to ask Eve any questions that he wants about his own life to refresh Eve's memory of the things that are truly important to him (ie What happened in 6th grade that changed your world view?). It's okay for Eve to say I don't remember.

3. Finally, Adam fills in any important gaps that Eve missed and should know about and corrects anything that Eve may have been misinterpreted.

4. In round 2, Eve and Adam switch roles and repeat steps 1, 2, and 3.

Distant Love

You've been tapping into
my roll over minutes
but I really want to rollover in my bed
and have you in it
I'm not dependent
but committed
to this vision
as it is written
we may have 9 lives
like a kitten
but with this one
I'm not kidding

The distance in existence
between our body parts
can never overcome
the pistons in our throbbing hearts
we only see each other Christmas
and weekends to sob for Martin
that makes me twice grateful
for the lives of all our martyrs

It wasn't in my plans
that's why I don't understand
4 years in this amazing maze
led us to the same path
2 writers
freedom fighters
creating love
and living righteous
I might fight for freedom
but I know I can't fight this

You conquer me with love
always honor what's above
my Goliath of an ego
submits to your David touch
you touch my mind
you touch my soul
you've been mining
me like gold
our purpose cannot surface
without digging the unknown

I feel like I'm in a zone
twilight, but not alone
balancing our galaxies
as we talk God on the phone
some people fly planes
and think they're really fly
but we're on another plane
the plane of the most high

How could I be 3 hours ahead
and you still catch me?
How could we be across the country
and still wet sheets?
Regardless of the distance
I firmly take this stance
since the Spirit transcends all
we should surely take a chance

Inspired by Sundrop

My spiritual partner and I recently ended our 7 month partnership. In most cases, relationships end on bad terms, but I was determined to maintain the friendship that existed before we began our spiritual partnership. When a relationship transitions, we have the tendency to try to allocate blame. Thoughts like "S/he did this to me" or "S/he did that to me" or "I can't stand wo/men" race through our minds, but I recently realized that:

1. There is nothing wrong with her
2. There is nothing wrong with me
3. There is nothing wrong with women
4. There is nothing wrong with men

With this in mind, there is no reason to place blame. Instead we should give thanks! Relationships can transition for reasons that don't suggest that there is something wrong with either individual or their gender. It could simply be the wrong two, wrong time, and/or wrong type.

Wrong Two:

All relationships are exploratory. A romantic relationship is simply two people engaging in frequent exchanges of love and energy for an extended period of time to see if they are right for each other and want to commit to a lifetime together. It's okay to find out after a while that the two of you aren't a match for each other.

Wrong Time:

People come in and out of our lives like seasons and some seasons are longer than others. Our partner may have been the perfect match for us during a particular period of our life, but times change and so do people. Every person serves a particular purpose in our lives for a different period of time. It's okay when seasons and people change because it means that you are growing and changing as well.

Wrong Type:

People's roles in our lives also change over time. It is likely that our partner began as acquaintance, then became a good friend, and ultimately became our partner. In and of itself, the process of creating a partnership involves three different types of relationships. Perhaps what you needed each other for when the relationship began has changed and that's okay.

Breakups don't have to be bad. The true challenge is being honest about our needs and changes in those needs with those we care about and those that care about us. Perhaps the new versions of the two people, at a new time , in a new type of way may fall in love again.

Before there was eBay there was (the attic and then) Public Storage. We used to buy things new and once we didn't want them anymore we would put them in Public Storage. We didn't throw anything away. What you bought was yours for life. That's how antiques get made; Antiques are things that we stop using, but end up valuable to us or someone else later.

We think of love in the same way. We get possessive. That's "my man" or "my woman". Even when we don't want them anymore we hold onto them and put them in Public Storage. They share our living space for a while and then it comes a point that they have to go..."to the left to, the left"!

With the eBay model, everything is always on the market. Goods have the freedom to find their way to whoever they add the most value to. In the same way, our partners and ourselves are always on the market. Do you really think that the same energy that attracted you to your partner just shuts off once the two of you start dating? No...As a matter of fact it probably gets stronger because now that you're "off the market" the market tends to value you more.

Relationships aren't meant to bind people. Unlike goods sold on Ebay, people should be free to explore other "buyers" who may be interested in them. The challenge that I face and most people face is being honest about when our interest in another person is stronger than our commitment to our current "owner". Through my own relationships, I've discovered that it is easier to trust and set free (like eBay) than it is to control and limit (like Public Storage).

I'm not sure how I'll know when I've found "the one". As a matter of fact, I don't think that there is just one; I think that the possibilities are infinite and we have the freedom to choose a partner from that infinite possibility in hopes that they will choose us back. That which we fear losing is the very thing that we ultimately lose. If you love something let it go; if it comes back to you then it is yours.

Love is not about possession of one's heart by another, it is about he sharing of one's heart with another. A person's heart is like the sun, it sends positive energy to many things at once. At various times of the day, the intensity of the sun's energy is higher in some places than it is in others. Likewise, our hearts light the worlds of different people at different times.

When it comes to romantic love, typically, feelings for past lovers never fade completely. The moon still lights those corners of our life while a new sun, in the form of a new person, may begin the share its light with us. The sun is bound by physical size; the heart is not. The heart is not a single-size pizza that must be divided and shared. The heart can grow and develop more capacity to love.

Thus, a person's love for their past love does not have to fade completely to make space for a new love. They can simply increase the love in their heart to share with the new love, which will likely be more intense than the energy they continue to give to their old love. Our hearts will always be shared among family, friends, passions, and causes. We are challenged to grow our hearts' capacity until we can ultimately spread our love to all of humanity. Instead of saying "I'm in love with this person", we should say "I'm in love with all of life, but this person and I share the most intense love."

Inspire by: Nakia Warren