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If I tried to date every great woman I met, I would be dating non-stop (and that's exactly what I was doing for about 2 years). I had 3 great relationships with 3 great women. I meet great women all of the time. My circle of sisters includes the next generation of Maya Angelous (authors), Assata Shakurs (activists), Helen Kellers (renaissance woman), Oprah Winfreys (entrepreneurs), Hillary Clintons (politicians), Wangari Maathais (Nobel Peace Prize winners).

The Big Question
How does one choose who to pursue from a world full of great people?

Here are some realizations I had as I pondered this question with a sister friend.

1. Be Self-aware: Look within more. Look outside less.

So I've come to the realization that there has to more to the equation than just two great people coming together. I'm not sure what the other secret ingredient is. Perhaps it's timing, chemistry, prayer...I don't know. As a result, I think finding our lifelong partner may be like finding our best friend. We don't really choose our best friends (or do we?). I wasn't looking for my best friend, it just kind of happened. But when it comes to relationships, people talk about what they "looking for" in a partner rather just being themselves and letting life play out.

2. Be Patient: Age and stage are different

Though a man and woman may be the same age, they may be at different stages of their lives. From talking to my brothers, I get the sense that they want to establish roots regionally, professionally, and financially before moving into the marriage stage. Women value these things too, but I don't think that they're as important to them. As a result, I think we'll see less same-age marriages and more Jay-Z (age 38) & Beyonce (age 26) type relationships where older men marry younger women, not because that's their preference, but because men tend to be "ready" at a later stage of life. (On 2nd thought, 12 (=38-26) years is a a huge gap.)

3. Be Authentic: Your past, present, and future actions are attracting your partner

Chances are that you've already met your life partner if you're 25 or older. Based on your educational and professional affiliations, you probably know of each other. People grow and change. The person you never even considered in college may come back into your life as Mr. or Mrs. Right. Smile at the synchronicity of life but don't fall head over heels when encounters like this happen. They could be meaningful and they could be meaningless. The world is shrinking so we're bound to reconnect with old friends (especially at weddings). To attract who you want, be who you are.

What do you think?

3 comments

  1. Sallome Beta Says:
  2. haha! Yeah I have a comment. I think that you have to add: Be trusting... That the people around you sometimes know better for you than you do (i.e. parents, friends), and can suggest someone or introduce you to someone versus you looking! yeah.....

     
  3. boristech Says:
  4. Also, the possibility exists of meeting your partner before you're actually "ready". What do you do then???

     
  5. TO: boristech

    I'd say just lay low and take it slow. No rush. You'd be better off waiting until you're both ready than to rush because one of you is ready. The next big question is how to know when you're truly ready.

    Peace,

     

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My purpose is to help as many people as possible reach their full potential by helping them making a living doing what they love and in the process of doing so achieve my own. I want to do this through writing, speaking, and creating offline and online spaces that facilitate conversations around purpose.

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