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Spring Cleaning Within 2008
Spring is here and it's time to clean up. Throw out the old; bring in the new. I'm opening my internal closets and shining light in dark corners within.
As of today, I'm trying to stop projecting perfection on the external side of my body or temple when my real estate within is not entirely clean. It's inauthentic to those who "think" they know me and hurtful to myself - the one who has to "act" self-righteous all the time. This post has been inspired in part by Lauryn Hill's journey over the past few years. Most people want the old 1998 Mis-Education Lauryn Hill back, but she has transcended that and moved on, yet many of her fans (including myself) have trapped her in an old box. As Nikki Giovanni once said "Even my flaws are correct".
Oftentimes...
- I don't listen well because I can be arrogant and think I know it all
- I'm shy because I'm afraid of letting people too close
- I'm quiet to a point of being pseudo-passive because I'm afraid of my own light
- I plan too much instead of being fully present in the moment
- I cut people off in the moments when I need to embrace them or need them to embrace me
- I project perfection because I thought perfection was more inspirational then authenticity
- I try to control life because I'm a success-aholic and lack faith
- I don't trust people because I still haven't truly forgiven my mother
- I'm selfish and shut down when I don't get my way
- I'm self-righteous and act like I know what I'm doing when I don't
Now that some of my self-inflicted boxes (or caskets) are gone, I can finally breath again. That which wants to grow is never fully grown; it always needs room to grow so I'm throwing away that which I don't need anymore to make room.
...10 lbs lighter and breathing easier :)
As a driver, the time of most uncertainty is when approaching a yellow light. I never know how long they are going to be because they all vary in length. I fear that I’ll be caught by a camera or police officer if I’m a millisecond to late. Even a stop sign would be better because it’s clearer; without guessing, I know that I have to come to a full stop.
I’ve never been ticketed for running a red light because I don’t hesitate. I’ve set my mind in advance that I’m going to go for it. I think we make more mistakes when we hesitate or do things half-heartedly. Our judgment is based on our risk preference. A person who is cautious will always stop; they play by all of the rules and never stray into the grey areas. A person that is risk-loving will always go; their commitment minimizes hesitation and conveys a confidence that their decision is justified.
We all have yellow lights in our lives. They come in the form of major decisions, major crisis, life transitions, and unforeseen life obstacles. There are intersections in life that we’re not sure whether we should stop at, push through, or judge in the moment. Yellow lights are meant to slow us down at these intersections. It is not the yellow light that slows us down; the yellow light represents fear. The only way to overcome fear is to run through the very thing that we fear; slowing down only lengthens the yellow light (or period of fear).
In life, the lights are not synchronized. Do what everyone else does and end up where everyone else ends up. Playing it safe gets us nowhere. At some point, we will all be faced with yellow lights in life. If you are clear about your destination and purpose, don’t allow yellow lights or fear to slow you down. Push through! What is your yellow light policy? Have you predetermined that you’re going to:
A. Always, stop
B. Play it by eye
C. Always, push through
Being able to anticipate fear and have a pre-determined strategy to deal with it will make your life more fruitful and less average.
Live purposefully!
Last night, Daryn and I went out to feed homeless people on University Avenue with leftover Subway sandwiches from an on-campus event earlier that day. As we distributed the platter, some people took two, but most took one. Ironically, there was a man standing in front of the closed Subway and we approached him. When we offered to give him the last two sandwiches, he said “No thanks, I’m full.” Daryn and I looked at each other in surprise and then walked away in silence.
This kind of reminds me of the biblical story about the manna. The key message was “Don’t take more than you need. Have faith.” I began to think about all of the food that I have let spoil in my refrigerator, all of the electronics I bought that are collecting dust, and all the clothes I’ve bought but never wear.
On a deeper level, the man’s faith that another meal would come at the appropriate time is noteworthy. How can a person with so little have so much faith? Or better yet, how can they not? Their entire life of a homeless person is built on faith. As a matter of fact, most animals live just like a homeless person in faith that they will find what they need when they need it.
This experience made me question my faith. Am I living in fear or in faith? I think that a lot of people (myself included) are in the process of seeking security whether it is financial (money), social (status), or intellectual (degrees) in fear of insecurity. It is easy to say that we are faithful when everything is in order, but s/he who is faithful all of the time, good or bad, is truly faithful. I think that we can test our faith by taking the risk of following our dreams. Oftentimes that path is less secure, but it definitely requires more faith and is probably more rewarding.
Inspire by: The homeless man in front of Subway
1. Family: Our families want the best for us. They are the most risk averse when it comes to our lives. Unconsciously, sometimes this causes them to project thier own life paths on us. They can't help it; it's what they were taught and it's the only path that they know.
2. Friends: Sometimes our friends put is in boxes. Especially wehen we grow up together, sometimes they project via their words or actions that it is impossible for you to be doing more than them. When we follow our purpose, it challenge the comfortable and liberate the constrained.
3. Funding: One of the first things that comes to mind is, where am I going to get the money to pull this off? It's a valid concern, but oftentimes we worry about it prematurely.
4. Finances: This is different than funding because it has to do with survival questions like how am I going to eat? Where am I going to live? How am I going to pay my bills?
5. Failure: They always say that 90% of businesses fail. That's probably true, but at least they tried. Imagine all of the great ideas that people had but what too scared to try. I think that most people have at least one good business idea in their like.
I combat these facades with:
1. Faith
2. Focus
3. Facts
Live purposefully!
