I remember when I was little, physically and young, I was known for having heart. Even if I wasn't the best, I always played the hardest and heart-est. Because my best friend was older than me, I was always the little guy and the last to be picked, therefore I was the underdog and had something to prove.

Sometime in or after college, I lost my hustla spirit. Perhaps it was a sense of entitlement or that there was nobody to "compete" against. I was no longer attached to winning. What else was there to win? Winning was harder to define. I play pick up basketball now and I see myself seep into a sluggish mindset when I my team is losing. Is it just that I'm out of shape or is there something more?

I want to win again. I want to have that winner's mentality like Muhammad Ali. Against who? I don't know. Maybe myself. Perhaps I should compete (or spar) against my highest self until I become him. Watching Barry Bonds, Marion Jones, and A-Rod get hemmed up for use of performance enhancers has really tripped me out. The world's best home run hitter, women's runner, and baseball player...crazy! How bad do I want to win? Not that bad.

As an entrepreneur I believe in finding Blue Oceans where there aren't any competitors and I believe in partnering with anyone who could be deemed a competitor. So without competitors, I realized that I have to do a better job of:

1. Defining what games I want to win and which ones I don't really care about
   ie Do I really care about intramural basketball?
   
   
2. Defining winning for myself and my personal scoreboard
   ie What are my success metrics? # of lives transformed? $s earned? etc
   
   
3. Defining my vision for what is possible if I do win to be my motivation
   ie An NBA ring won't move me, but what does?
   

Do you believe in yourself enough to be your own disciple?

When I hear the word "discipline", I immediately think of "disciple" and disciple connotes follower of or believer in someone else. So when I hear the word "self-discipline" I think of "disciple of self" or follower or believer in self.

So when I ask myself 'Why do some people have self-discipline and others don't?' it really comes down to 'How deeply do people believe in themselves, their own dreams, their own visions?" If people believed in themselves, self-discipline wouldn't be an issue. Our commitments to our dreams, visions, and highest selves would be our motivation. The intrinsic incentive of manifesting our dreams would make rules, schedules, consequences, and even extrinsic incentives irrelevant.

Discipline is usually perceived as a negative thing, but it depends on who we are following and believing and where we are following them to. If we believe in ourselves and thus follow ourselves in the direction of our goals and dreams, self-discipline will become one of our greatest assets. We tend to become great a whatever we become disciplined at. Therefore, if we consider the areas of our lives that we've exhibited self-discipline, we can accurately predict where we will become great.

Self-discipline requires full immersion into something that you are a truly passionate about. Most people just want to stick their big toe in the kiddie pool of life, believing they can swim in success without ever exploring the deep end to really see if they can or not. The reality is that we have to let go of the ledge of security and scuba dive head first into our dreams. Staying afloat isn't living. Actually swimming is living. Like breathing to live, self-discipline is the oxygen that fuels any type of practice, which is a requirement for success to manifest as we play the game of life.

July 11th marked my 26th birthday. After 25 years on this Earth, my biggest lesson this year is that I have multiple identities that make up who I am and I want to introduce you to them all. I used to reject certain parts of me, but I'm learning to embrace all of me and my different dimensions are captured by my nicknames. I realized that I'm not one-dimensional and for those of you who only know one dimension of me, please take a moment to meet the rest of me.

J-Love

• Origins: Given to me by Steve for my loving spirit toward sisters, brothers, and the youth
  
• Purpose: To reach a place of unconditional love for self and all living beings (including women, men, plants, animals, the seen, and unseen)
• Passions: potlucks, poetry, people, prayer
  
• Problem: How does one create and sustain healthy relationships rooted in spiritual intimacy?
  
• Theme Songs: Love by Musiq Soulchild & I'm Ready for Love by India Arie
  

• Origins: Given to me by myself during a period of deep spiritual, cultural, and self exploration
  
• Purpose: To consciously critique society and create solutions to close the gap between where society is in comparison to where it could and should be.
• Passions: building self-sustaining institutions, reading, writing, public speaking, organizing information
  
• Problem: How does one organize the world in a way where everyone is free to reach their full potential?
  
• Theme Songs: Changes by 2 Pac & If I Ruled the World by Nas & It Was Written by Dead Prez, GOD by Common feat. Cee-lo
  

• Origins: Given to me by Oladayo during business school because of my commitment to purposefinder.net (the old version of Mylinia.com) and my 1-on-1 purposefinder sessions with classmates.
  
• Purpose: To serve God by helping as many people as possible find and fulfill their purpose in life.
• Passions: blogging, coaching, mentorship, visioning
  
• Problem: How does one help people find and fulfill their purpose in life?
  
• Theme Songs: Closer by Goapele, We're Jah-men by Bob Marley, Free by Talisman
  

• Origins: Given to me by Tim at UCLA for my serial entrepreneurship (selling agenda books, throwing parties, selling t-shirts, 2by2.net, etc)
  
• Purpose: To help people make a living doing what they love by creating innovative social business models.
• Passions: creating businesses (= creating value + capturing value)
• Problem: How does one create systems of exchange within and between communities that transcend money and allow people to capture the value they create for society?
  
• Theme Songs: Money Is My $itch by Nas & U Don't Know by Jay-Z, Robin Hood Theory by Gang Starr

• Flash Gordon (meaning = racing through life, but I'm leaning to slow down)
• Fig (Newton is my middle name and I bear good fruit)
• Navigator Newt (meaning = great at finding and giving direction when driving and in life)
• The Oracle (meaning = trusted advisor and wise)
• Ju or JuJu (I'm not Jewish, but I am very spiritual)
  
• JuJuBee (like the candy and because I'm so sweet)

I don't mean it literally. It was just a play on the "Say No To Drugs" campaign. But what I do mean is that a lot of people have difficulty saying no to nice things, and as a result they get taken advantage of sometimes.

This morning I was on the bus full of people and an older woman asked a young boy "Can I have your seat?" The young boy looked confused. Nobody had probably ever asked him that before or been so direct about their request. She said it with a smirk on her face as if the seat was already hers :)

After a few seconds of thought, the boy got up and the woman took his seat. Granted, young men should get up for older women anyways, I'm probably reading this situation wrong. But it made me think about other times in life where we have difficulty saying no to nice things.

There are countless examples like:

• being asked by a boss to do something against our own will because it will be good for your career and the company
• being asked by a cute little kid to donate to a cause that you don't know much about
• being asked by a no good friend to borrow some money
• being asked at the last minute to pick someone up from the airport when you're busy
• Etc
  

Lately I've started to realize how little control I have over certain occurrences in the world while at the same time trying to preserve my identity as a change agent. It has been a struggle. What do we have control over and what don't we? This is an important question because I don't want to waste my time trying to change things I don't have control over. The areas where this insight has shined the brightest for me are my career and my relationships.

In business I used to think that the CEO "controlled" everything...the people, the decisions, the vision, the success or failure of the company. Over the past two years as CEO of Mylinia.com, I've realized that the CEO's job is supposed to be to relinquish all control to the employees and customers to make decisions that affect the company's vision and overall success. Even with that said, they are still market forces (ie bad economy) and global forces (ie natural disasters) that aren't in a CEO's control but could negatively or positively impact the company.

In romantic relationships and friendships I've realized that people are united or meet because of a force outside of themselves. I never said that I wanted Angelo to be my best friend, but I'm thankful for the force that brought us together at Bishop O'Dowd and has sustained us for over a decade now. In romantic relationships, we call the force that brings two people together love, but we should be aware that that same force has the power to take them apart when it wants to. Instead of trying to explain everything, beat oneself up or blame the other person, sometimes we have to rest in not knowing 'why' and trust that that force knows what is best for us at that moment.

I think we're taught to have an explanation for everything as if we're all knowing, but there are invisible forces in the world that transcend cause and effect. We're also taught to take credit for everything that we accomplish, but I'm starting to see accomplishments as things that Spirit does through me as me instead of things that happened because of me. Why Spirit has chosen to do certain things on this Earth...I don't know. I don't control that =)

Spring Cleaning Within 2008

Spring is here and it's time to clean up. Throw out the old; bring in the new. I'm opening my internal closets and shining light in dark corners within.

As of today, I'm trying to stop projecting perfection on the external side of my body or temple when my real estate within is not entirely clean. It's inauthentic to those who "think" they know me and hurtful to myself - the one who has to "act" self-righteous all the time. This post has been inspired in part by Lauryn Hill's journey over the past few years. Most people want the old 1998 Mis-Education Lauryn Hill back, but she has transcended that and moved on, yet many of her fans (including myself) have trapped her in an old box. As Nikki Giovanni once said "Even my flaws are correct".

Oftentimes...

1. I don't listen well because I can be arrogant and think I know it all
   
2. I'm shy because I'm afraid of letting people too close
   
3. I'm quiet to a point of being pseudo-passive because I'm afraid of my own light
   
4. I plan too much instead of being fully present in the moment
5. I cut people off in the moments when I need to embrace them or need them to embrace me
   
6. I project perfection because I thought perfection was more inspirational then authenticity
7. I try to control life because I'm a success-aholic and lack faith
8. I don't trust people because I still haven't truly forgiven my mother
9. I'm selfish and shut down when I don't get my way
10. I'm self-righteous and act like I know what I'm doing when I don't

Thinking back through my spiritual, emotional, and physical relationships with women, I realized that of my 6 girlfriends since high school and all of my other relationships with women (mother and friends), very few of their biological fathers were present in their lives. That led me to ask myself two questions:

1. What does that say about me?
2. How can I change it?

So here’s my best shot!

1. What does that say about me?

My original question was ‘What does that say about society’? But, I am a direct reflection of society, therefore, the true question is ‘What does that say about me?’ and rather than falsely accuse society, the daughterless fathers, or the fatherless daughters, I must evaluate myself.

Looking for a mom: Looking myself in the mirror, I realized that I was scarred from a turbulent 10 years with my mother. I bought into the mindset that I was looking for a mother as opposed to a spiritual partner, which was unfair to any woman I engaged with. Many of my partners resembled my mother in many ways…both good and bad. I viewed my relationships as mechanisms to fill a familiar void rather than as a mechanism to build something brand new from where I was.

Failing at father: I also realized that in SOME unhealthy cases, I arrogantly thought I was man enough to serve as my partners’ partner and father when I was mentally, emotionally, and spiritually still a boy. Though none of my partners ever called me ‘daddy’, I believed that I could fulfill any fatherly expectations they had financially, physically, and emotionally. That was false.

2. How can I change it?

Balance my friendships: Oftentimes friendships are gender heavy. Men have a crew of men and women have a crew of women. Though brother and sister circles are important, the union of those circles is even more important and I should seek to have a healthy balance of male and female energy in my life.

Mentor younger women: As a mentor, my tendency has been to mentor younger males considering that they have typically been fatherless too, but instead of gravitating toward males, I should seek opportunities to mentor younger women because they need a healthy balance of males energy as well. Positive father figures are good (but not perfect) substitutes for fatherlessness.

Commit to and prepare for fatherhood now: Not too long ago I almost became a father, but since then, I have realized that the commitment and preparation for fatherhood begin now with my own personal growth and preparation for the future. Fatherhood begins with the collective upbringing of the youth (biological and non) in our community, not when our partner gets pregnant.

Splinters are nagging. They are so tiny yet they cause so much pain. The worst ones are the ones that get stuck under the skin. You can’t reach them without pulling back layers of skin, which is a painful process in and of itself. After a while, you forget about them, but they hurt whenever pressure is applied to a certain area around them.

We also have splinters in life. They are those negative moments that our memory can’t erase. Those sour memories forever shape the course of our lives until we fully heal from them. A couple of my personal splinters include:

1. When I was rejected by the first girl I asked to be my girlfriend in 5th grade. This single event shaped how I related to girls for the next ten years. I didn’t trust the women I liked and as a result ended up hurting them.

2. The time I got thrown out at home plate during the little league all stars semi-finals game to conclude the final inning. This moment made me a more cautious player in all sports, which ultimately hurt my baseball, basketball, and soccer performance.

3. And more…

Fortunately, I have many moments to be proud of like:
• Hitting .800 in the same baseball tournament mentioned above
• The castle I built in 7th grade
• Making the math Olympics team in 6th grade
• Earning the Math and Citizenship Awards at high school graduation
• Leading the 2003 UCLA High School Conference
• My UCLA African Grad speech in 2003
• And more…

Despite the successes that I remember and people remember me for, I must still dig out the many splinters that I have accumulated that are still shaping my decisions today. I don’t want to hurt anymore more women. I want to trust and love my mom, my future wife, and my female friends. I don’t want to look over my shoulder in the game of baseball, basketball, or life. I want to take educated risk; only risk yield large rewards.

What are your splinters and how are they affecting your today?

Live purposefully!

Inspired by Miguel

Student: How do we change the world?

Teacher: Good question! Let’s examine how the world has changed throughout time. How would you describe the world in the beginning?

Student: Euphoric and peaceful.

Teacher: How would you describe it today?

Student: In turmoil.

Teacher: What changed?

Student: The people.

Teacher: So what needs to change to restore order?

Student: The people.

Teacher: You have answered wisely. Many people think that institutions like the government are the root causes of all social problems. But what sustains every institution in existence?

Student: People.

Teacher: Correct! Change the individuals and the institution will naturally change. The true problem is that people don’t understand how their everyday choices aggregate to create larger problems. We can only solve the problem once we realize that part of its source is in us.

Student: So how do I change people?

Teacher: You can’t. You can only change yourself. When Gandhi said “Be the change you wish to see”, he meant for each one of us to be an example of change. Model the lifestyle your heart knows is right; nobody can stop you from doing for self. Others will either choose to accept or reject your model. No convincing is needed. Extrinsic factors like fear, incentives, laws, and force are irrelevant. All lasting change is intrinsic; change must come from within. Change within and you will naturally change without. How do you impact the world?

Live purposefully!