5th Grade Graduation Speech at P.S. 329 in Brooklyn, New York

Thank you Miss Dawson, teachers, and parents for giving me the opportunity to address your bright children today. If you don't mind, I would like to turn the podium to address them.

There were two students from the same neighborhood who went to the same elementary school, P.S. 329, also known as Surfside School in Brooklyn, New York.

One student's name was Alex. Alex was a straight A student. He excelled in every subject. Alex did exactly what he was told to do. He goes home to do his homework after school. Alex only dreams at night.

The other student's name was Francis. Francis was a crooked F student—they say it is impossible to get all Fs and be straight. Francis didn't like any subject AT SCHOOL though she liked learning and as a result she was often caught daydreaming. She was really passionate about art and would get in trouble for doodling on her desk. After school she would walk the streets looking for murals and graffiti. Her homework incomplete.

Who would you rather be? Alexis or Francis?

Fast-forward a few years to high school. Finally...electives. Francis gets to take an art class and her passion for learning starts to show. She gets her first A. Alex the A student is taking biology for the first time and he is struggling. He is afraid to ask for help because he has never had to ask for it before. He associates asking for help with being dumb instead of courageous, so he continues to fail and gets his first F.

Francis can't wait to show her parents her report card. No murals today. When she shows it to them with a big smile on her face, all they see are the Fs. Her parents immediately withdraw her from her art class and instead she is given a study hall period to bring up her Fs.

Alex's parents know when his report cards come so they ask about it even though he tries to hide it. Despite 5 As in his other classes, all they see is the F. He is taken out of P.E. and given the same study hall period that Francis has so that he can focus on bringing up his F.

Who would you rather be? Alexis or Francis?

You see...in the long run, Francis and Alex end up in the exact same place. Alex was a hard worker. That's would got him straight As. But despite his good grades, Alex's true intelligence was never challenged. For the most part, school was a walk in the park for him, but he needed someone to push him to run or better yet fly. It's not until you push someone to their limits that they realize that they are limitless.

Despite getting crooked Fs, Francis is extremely smart. It's just that her creative energy was never channeled. She was lead to believe that her creativity isn't valuable when in fact, creativity and innovation is what keeps our economy alive...it's what keeps her alive.

In reality, Alex doesn't like school just as much as Francis doesn't like school—he could fake the funk but she couldn't. Where Francis has a leg up on Alex is that she knows what she was passionate about...what makes her tick...what she loves to do at an early age. Everyone is encouraging Alex to be a teacher, doctor, lawyer, or accounting because he's "smart", but nobody is encouraging Francis to be an artist.

Why not?



Graduates! Our parents grew up in a world where being well-rounded was the thing to be. Be a well-rounded student and be a well-rounded citizen. But the world has changed. Whereas our parents were only competing against the person sitting next to them in their classroom, you are competing against everyone your age across the entire world from India to China and Europe. This leveling of the playing field is called globalization, which is a hard concept to understand if you have yet to travel outside of New York or the United States. In today's world, a 4.0 isn't even enough on its own. And passion isn't enough on its own either. Success requires hard work AND passion.

In addition to globalization, the internet has changed the way we live and learn. In our parents' day...you know B.C...before cable, it was possible to be an expert at multiple things. But today, information is expanding so rapidly that it's hard to stay ahead on more than one or two subjects and since everyone has access to same information at the same time, nobody has an advantage. It used to be that if you had an Encyclopedia Britannica set at home, you were ahead of your peers, but now with the internet and Wikipedia, the playing field is flat...and packed.

Whether you happen to love a school subject or a subject NOT taught at school, the way to win in the 21st century is be your best. They say that to become the best in the world at something...to be an expert...you should consider the 10,000 hour rule. The 10,000 hour rule suggest that you need to practice whatever it is that you want to be great at for 10,000 hours before achieving expertise. 10,000 hours equals 20 hours per week 50 weeks per year for 10 years. That's equivalent to studying one subject from kindergarten to today every day, so you better start now...now as in this summer...at least 3 hours per day 7 days per week.

Speaking of 10 years...10 years from now Francis and Alex will be graduating from college. They will be 22 years old. Imagine who 12 year-old Francis could become if she could bring up her other grades just enough to get her parents support of her art so that should could CHANNEL her passion into her art during and after school and begin chipping away at her 10,000 hours. Imagine who 12-year-old Alex could become if he could combine his academic excellence with a passion that CHALLENGED him.

In elementary school, A stands for ahead or excellent, but in on the global playing field an A here could stand for average elsewhere. Sometimes when we try to be great at everything...the jack-of-all-trades...we master none. Alex understands hard work, but imagine if he focused his energy on something he genuinely loved to do so he could experience his inner excellence.

In elementary school, F stands for failure, but in life it can mean fearless. Fear of failure is the #1 inhibitor of dreams. They say if you haven't failed, then you aren't dreaming big enough.
Francis understands failure well—she's been doing it all of her life. And she also understands her passions. Imagine if she could pursue her passions fearlessly.

We each have a little bit of Alex and Francis inside of us....parents and teachers included. To succeed in life we need Alex's work ethic and self-discipline and we also need Francis creativity and passion. Greatness is inside of each of you like the tree inside every seed. If you've ever looked at a package of seeds, it never just says SEEDS. They are always named by the tree they are destined to become. Before me, I see more than just 5th graders...more than just a bunch of seeds—I see an amazing amazon forest of unlimited potential and endless possibilities.

Follow your passions and seek excellence at anything you do and I guarantee that you'll keep growing up.

Congratulations to the college class of 2020!

Do you believe in yourself enough to be your own disciple?

When I hear the word "discipline", I immediately think of "disciple" and disciple connotes follower of or believer in someone else. So when I hear the word "self-discipline" I think of "disciple of self" or follower or believer in self.

So when I ask myself 'Why do some people have self-discipline and others don't?' it really comes down to 'How deeply do people believe in themselves, their own dreams, their own visions?" If people believed in themselves, self-discipline wouldn't be an issue. Our commitments to our dreams, visions, and highest selves would be our motivation. The intrinsic incentive of manifesting our dreams would make rules, schedules, consequences, and even extrinsic incentives irrelevant.

Discipline is usually perceived as a negative thing, but it depends on who we are following and believing and where we are following them to. If we believe in ourselves and thus follow ourselves in the direction of our goals and dreams, self-discipline will become one of our greatest assets. We tend to become great a whatever we become disciplined at. Therefore, if we consider the areas of our lives that we've exhibited self-discipline, we can accurately predict where we will become great.

Self-discipline requires full immersion into something that you are a truly passionate about. Most people just want to stick their big toe in the kiddie pool of life, believing they can swim in success without ever exploring the deep end to really see if they can or not. The reality is that we have to let go of the ledge of security and scuba dive head first into our dreams. Staying afloat isn't living. Actually swimming is living. Like breathing to live, self-discipline is the oxygen that fuels any type of practice, which is a requirement for success to manifest as we play the game of life.

As many of you already know, I've never drank alcohol. Some people very close to me have been affected by alcoholism and I see some of my friends exhibiting alcoholic patterns. Not good. Anyway, I've seen how Alcoholics Anonymous has helped some people dear to me recover and I believe that it is the best form of personal development to date. I can't think of another space where people of all different cultures, ages, and classes come together regularly to help each other achieve their goals.

Last week I attended my first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. I don't think you have to be a drinker to be an alcoholic in the same way that a person who has cancer but doesn't know that they have cancer is still a cancer victim. Since it's an anonymous space, I won't say much expect that the combination of community, storytelling, and celebration is amazing.

One of my goals in life is to end the NEED for AA (not AA itself) for our generation by creating healthy spaces for millennials to find community, share their stories, celebrate life. Every month I host potlucks at my house and that's exactly what we do. It's so simple. I don't get why "happy hours" get celebrated but Alcoholics Anonymous get stigmatized when it's spaces like happy hour that lead people to AA. Happy hour doesn't live up to its name.

I also wanted to share that I found a non-alcoholic wine made by J. Lohrs called ARIEL. What's crazy is that Steve Lohrs, one of the owners, lived next door to me when I was in Palo Alto and we shared a bottle over dinner. As you can see from the label above, it "contains less than one half of one percent alcohol by volume" so I guess I can't say that I've never drank any more.

What's the point of progress?


I just saw Gandhi the movie last weekend at it reminded me of a quote he once said that "There's more to life than increasing its speed." He was more of a Flintstone. When you think about it, as children we were caught between the Flinstones and Jetsons. Somewhere in the middle of the stone age and the future, we had to to make conscious choice about which way we wanted to go. Was it cooler to have a car that you pedaled or a craft that flies? Was it cooler to eat a huge mammoth rib or a small pill that tasted like one? Was it cooler to have a dinosaur named Dino to lick the dishes or a robotic maid named Rosey to handle the dirty work?


So the 21st century is here and it appears that we've chosen the path of the Jetsons - bigger and faster is better. Despite our "progress" as a world, has anything really changed? Are we any better off within as people because of the technologies without? Where the hell are we rushing to or are we rushing to hell?

I've been rushing my whole life. I came out the womb a month early. I finished college a year early. I finished business school 4 years earlier than average. Now it's time to slow down. As a child I ate Flintstones vitamins. Symbolically, I think there are parts of the Flintstone's lifestyle that are healthy. I'm afraid that the world is going nowhere fast and we need to find a healthy balance between the Flintstones and the Jetsons. Our measurements of progress as individuals (ie income, materials) and a planet (ie economy, GDP) need to be reconsidered. More dollar bills don't mean we're build-ing and speed isn't always the best indicator of quality.

Answering the Call of a Lifetime

Voice Mail from God:

"What's up Man. It's me…God. I know you hear me calling you. Ay....Yo...I've called you like 3 times. Pick up the phone...How you gonna screen my calls when I'm the one who gave you your first dial-tone in the form of a heart beat. Don’t you know I created cells?

I’m tired of all the excuses. Don’t try to blame it on your battery. I told you to stay power-full and in-charge. And don’t try to tell me that you’ve got to save your minutes. Didn’t I tell you that AT&T meant Appreciate Today & Time. This Lifetime Cell Plan doesn’t have roll-over minutes, so I don’t know what you’re saving for. The only things rolling over are the hands of the clock, one second at a time. On top of that, you and I have the Global Family Plan meaning we have free mobile-to-mobile and global coverage. You can connect with Me whenever and wherever you want to.

Anyway, I don’t know how many more messages I have to send you before you get it but your bill is getting kind of high. Eternal life costs life and you haven’t been making your payments. I don’t know who you’re spending all that time talking to every month without calling me, but I it’s cool…I still have love for you.

I have some Good News to tell you so holler at me. I’m always here.

One.”

The In-Sight

There is a calling on our lives. We get three rings in life; the quarter life crisis, the mid-life crisis, and death. If you’ve ever been in financial debt, you know that money costs (more) money. In the same way, life costs life. May we always remember to pay our greatest debt to our Creator first and answer the important calls before it’s too late.

Lonely and In Love: Making Time For Myself

As millennials we transition a lot; we change cities, countries, jobs, and partners rather frequently. As we transition from academic environments into the "real world", communities of friends can be harder to find and build because its not just there for you like it is on a college campus, and thus life can get a little lonely. Even those of us who move back home after college come to realize that our childhood friends have also transitioned and the feeling of having to start all over again sets in.

Though our friends tend to spread out all over the world post-college and become consumed by careers, loneliness isn't something that is unique to our generation alone. People in their late 30s and 40s who have yet to find a partner may deal with it. People in their 50s who divorce after their children graduate from high school may deal with it. And people in their 60s and beyond who start losing friends to death may face it as well. And then there are people of all ages who look like they have all of the friends in the world from the outside, but are lonely on the inside.

So how do we deal with loneliness? In most cases my answer would be to build community, but there are times when loneliness has its place. We have a choice to either embrace it or push against it. When we push against it, we tend to invite unhealthy relationships into our lives and pursue social activities that aren't truly fulfilling just so we don't feel lonely. When we learn to embrace it, we have a unique opportunity to find peace and quiet, and time to self-reflect. In fact, many of us avoid loneliness by immersing ourselves in someone or something else so that we don't have to look at ourselves.

If you think about it, there are few chances in our lives to be alone. Instead of using that time to think how wonderful it may be to not be alone, an alternative course of thought would be to explore what's possible alone that isn't (as) possible when others (spouse, children, roommates, parents, etc) are around. Some of the most healing activities are one-player games (ie journaling, reading, meditating, painting, gardening, yoga).

When we breath we exhale and inhale. It's a cycle; Both are essential processes for our existence. In the same way, there will be times for us to exhale (or go without) and inhale (or go within) in our personal growth and development. Even those in a choir must sing solo sometimes to hone their own voice just as we must tune ourselves into the small voice within us. We must embrace change rather than try to change change. And the phases of loneliness that help us discover our only-ness are a type of change that we must cherish in order to excel when we are in community.

Thinking back through my spiritual, emotional, and physical relationships with women, I realized that of my 6 girlfriends since high school and all of my other relationships with women (mother and friends), very few of their biological fathers were present in their lives. That led me to ask myself two questions:

1. What does that say about me?
2. How can I change it?

So here’s my best shot!

1. What does that say about me?

My original question was ‘What does that say about society’? But, I am a direct reflection of society, therefore, the true question is ‘What does that say about me?’ and rather than falsely accuse society, the daughterless fathers, or the fatherless daughters, I must evaluate myself.

Looking for a mom: Looking myself in the mirror, I realized that I was scarred from a turbulent 10 years with my mother. I bought into the mindset that I was looking for a mother as opposed to a spiritual partner, which was unfair to any woman I engaged with. Many of my partners resembled my mother in many ways…both good and bad. I viewed my relationships as mechanisms to fill a familiar void rather than as a mechanism to build something brand new from where I was.

Failing at father: I also realized that in SOME unhealthy cases, I arrogantly thought I was man enough to serve as my partners’ partner and father when I was mentally, emotionally, and spiritually still a boy. Though none of my partners ever called me ‘daddy’, I believed that I could fulfill any fatherly expectations they had financially, physically, and emotionally. That was false.

2. How can I change it?

Balance my friendships: Oftentimes friendships are gender heavy. Men have a crew of men and women have a crew of women. Though brother and sister circles are important, the union of those circles is even more important and I should seek to have a healthy balance of male and female energy in my life.

Mentor younger women: As a mentor, my tendency has been to mentor younger males considering that they have typically been fatherless too, but instead of gravitating toward males, I should seek opportunities to mentor younger women because they need a healthy balance of males energy as well. Positive father figures are good (but not perfect) substitutes for fatherlessness.

Commit to and prepare for fatherhood now: Not too long ago I almost became a father, but since then, I have realized that the commitment and preparation for fatherhood begin now with my own personal growth and preparation for the future. Fatherhood begins with the collective upbringing of the youth (biological and non) in our community, not when our partner gets pregnant.

Cufflinks Don't Mean I'm Cuffed

Dear Corporations,

On my flight to the west coast, I sat between two employees of the same health care company. If I was CEO, after the 5 hour flight, I would have known who to fire, who to promote, what divisions to grow, and which ones to eliminate. If I was CEO of one of your competitors, I would have known how to strategically bury your company within the next 3 years and who on your staff to hire to help me do it.

Your employees know everything!
1. They know who’s creating value and who’s not
2. They know why you’re hot and why you’re not
3. They know your customers and your customers know them

Why don’t you listen to them? The suggestion box in the janitor’s closet doesn’t count.

Where do you create space for employees to be entrepreneurial? Just because you’re in the black this year doesn’t mean that you exploited every opportunity available.

Why can’t you retain your best talent? There are cells of employees getting ready to leave because they feel as if you’re not open to their ideas.

Do you have the courage to facilitate the open honest conversations internally that only take place in the bathroom, at the water cooler, or at happy hour?

Do you want to own your employees or do you want them to own you?

You think the US divorce rates are high? Well...you haven't signed a contract with us. Just because we wear cuff links doesn't mean you've got us cuffed. It's not that we're noncommittal, we just value freedom and the ability to create, whether we're an entrepreneur or intrapreneur. We're nothing like our grandparents and our parents who sought the security of working for one company for their entire life.

It's time to explore new organizational models and accept the fact that the concept of life-time employment no longer exists and see corporations as talent development centers, kind of like colleges...but better. Corporations (and colleges) will no longer be valued for their financial packages. Instead, they will be valued for what their alumni achieve upon leaving. Look at PayPal's former employees that went on to found YouTube, Linked-In, and Yelp.

The answers to your success are within (your own company).

Sincerely,

Millennials

Inspired by Dee Hock, founder of VISA and author of One From Many: VISA and the Rise of Chaoridc Organizations